i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
