I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
