Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
