Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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