And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
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The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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