He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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