The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
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The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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