I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
