Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
