Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
