you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
