I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
