and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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