So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
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