just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
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