nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
