Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
