Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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