I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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