Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
