she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
