Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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