so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
