So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
We have started to decorate penises.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
