I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
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He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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