does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
