cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
