Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
