So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
