Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
