carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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