If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
