i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
