I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Randomize
