So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
