Hey man sorry I got all grabby
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
