i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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