I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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