I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
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Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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