It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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