I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
