OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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