the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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