i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize