You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
