Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
