When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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