I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I am midnight drunk by noon
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
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