those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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