I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
