no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
