my sisters under your porch take her home
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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