You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
