so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
