When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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