the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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