New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I yelled at your uterus for you.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
