where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
