I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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