is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
